Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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