It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
