If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
