So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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