i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
