oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
