It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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