My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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