Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
