When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
