His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
