Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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