I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
