i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
