After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
