this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
FUCK WHALES
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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