I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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