I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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