My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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