Whod you bang
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
did i just pee glitter
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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