Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so that wasnt chicken after all
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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