Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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