Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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