1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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