When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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