we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i think my cat just said my name.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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