if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
