Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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