i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just gargled with NyQuil
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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