Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ttyl tear gas
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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