goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
