at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
