you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
