can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
