don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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