i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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