i jhust puked up my retainher.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
