i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
