so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
