he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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