i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
