I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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