Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize