I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
where am i from again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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