Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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