I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
