Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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