I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
BRING THE BAGELS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
