I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
