Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
