Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
