Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
