So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
