Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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