this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
