youre lurking in front of me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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