Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize