i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
