I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
