I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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