The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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