Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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