You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
