I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My vagina is very pro this idea
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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